How do you deal with your shy child?

How do you deal with a shy child, have you ever dealt with a shy person? Did you notice his behavior? Do you know the causes of shyness in children? What is the difference between introversion and shyness? What is the correct way to deal with shy people? If you do not know how to deal with your shy child, we recommend that you read this article to the end.

In this article, we try to define the symptoms and causes of shyness and provide appropriate solutions to eliminate it. We will also give important points of the difference between introversion and shyness. In this way, you can think of appropriate solutions for your child and deal with his shyness.

What does shyness mean?

Shame is a natural emotion that is present in all human beings. If this natural feeling becomes a permanent habit in a person, it will cause him many psychological disorders. Embarrassment is actually the mind’s natural response to fear. Researchers believe that the higher a person’s level of shyness, the more likely they are to have neurotic disorders.

But what are the factors that prove a person’s sense of shyness? The method of raising children and life experiences are among the most important factors in the formation of shyness in a person. In addition, experts believe that the culture of every society imposes certain social values on children. Think of a society where shyness is considered a positive trait. In this way, most of the children of this society were also brought up with a sense of embarrassment and shame. For example, you can compare two countries, America and Japan. In America, about 40-50% of adults consider themselves shy. This is if the rate of shy people in the culture of an Asian country like Japan rises to 60%.

What are the signs of a shy child?

Correct diagnosis of shy child symptoms is one of the most important steps in treating these people. In many cases, parents confuse the symptoms of introversion with shyness, and thus choose the wrong parenting method. In general, if you see the following signs in your child, you can suspect that he is shy:

Away from society

The most important sign of a child’s shyness is distancing themselves from society. In this case, the child refuses to communicate with others and does not have many friends. Generally, a shy child will not be interested in group activities.

Constant feelings of anxiety

A shy child performs all his activities with a sense of anxiety. Of course, the level of this anxiety can be mild or severe.

physical symptoms

Most shy children show obvious physical symptoms. The most obvious physical symptoms are as follows:

  •      Tongue tie
  •      Upside down
  •      evasive looks
  •      surly
  •      Don’t smile in public
  •      finger sucking (at an early age)

What is the difference between shy and introverted child?

In general, introversion is a personality type and is not considered a mental disorder. On the other hand, being shy is an inappropriate moral trait that needs to be addressed. In many cases, the child’s personality type is introverted, but parents mistakenly consider him a shy child. In this section, we will explain the most important difference between shy and introverted children. This way, you can identify signs of introversion and compare your child’s behavior to them. Then, if you are sure that he is shy, start treatment. The difference between a shy child and an introverted child is as follows:

Introverts are successful in their work.

Shy people cannot do anything on their own and succeed in it. These people have low self-confidence and a low level of concentration. On the other hand, introverts can easily concentrate in solitude and complete their work in the best way. Also, introverts have more practical skills than shy people.

The most important desire of shy people is to be in society!

Although the shy child always avoids being in society and is afraid of crowded places, his greatest wish is to be active in society. On the other hand, introverts are not interested in attending social gatherings. Note that introverts have the necessary social skills such as the art of speaking, but they do not willingly participate in group activities.

Shame is learned!

Like we said, introversion is a type of personality, not a trait. The characteristics of introversion are inherent in a person. Indeed, there is something in the nature of these people that discourages them from expressing their innermost feelings. On the other hand, the shy child acquires the characteristic of shyness due to the behavior of parents and others. In the following sections, we will explain the most important causes of shyness in children.

The introverted child is a thinker!

An introverted child thinks about how to do anything before starting. Therefore, he never does anything without providing a rationale. Because of this, you can easily trust these children and give them many tasks. On the other hand, a shy child starts things without prior thinking and as a result cannot finish them. Because of this, parents do not trust these children and do not give them responsibility.

An introverted child defends his right!

A shy child has low self-confidence and cannot properly defend his right. These children have not been taught the skills necessary to communicate. In this way they remain silent in the face of injustice. But an introverted child can easily stand up for his rights and even those around him. He stands tall against injustice.

Read about: Making friends at school is the main concern of primary school children

Why are children shy?

After you learn about the signs of a shy child in your child, you are faced with a fundamental question. Why is my child shy? Was my child born shy, or did he inherit this trait from someone? Or not, his way of raising children led to his shyness? In this section, we describe the most important reasons for a child’s shyness.

shy family

There is no doubt that shy parents raise shy children. If, as an adult, you refuse to be in society and meet your acquaintances, how can you expect your child to be active in school and do many group activities?! Children repeat your behavior like a mirror.


Comparison is one of the most destructive educational scourges. Parents who constantly compare their children to friends and acquaintances will reinforce the child’s feelings of shame. This situation gets worse when the child is unable to compete with others. It is recommended not to compare the child with anyone, not even with his brothers.

Unreasonable expectation

Strict parenting methods are designed to raise perfect children. For this reason, it can say that in these educational methods, the true capabilities of the child ignored. In this way, the unreasonable expectations of parents from their children are also expanding. In the future, these expectations will reduce children’s self-confidence. so, the child imagines that he is under a microscope and all his movements judged by the parents.

The fear

Like we said, strict parents plant seeds of shame in their children’s minds. In the same way, supportive parents also raise their children to be ashamed of their extreme behaviour. These parents scare their children from falling into new and unknown situations. They intensify their children’s shyness with inappropriate support. In this case, the child experiences the following feelings:

  •       They are afraid of failure.
  •       They are afraid of being judged.
  •       They experience extreme stress and anxiety in their activities.

What are the problems faced by the shy child?

Undoubtedly, a child’s modesty has a negative impact on his quality of life. If this condition is not treated in time, it will turn into a profound mental disorder. Among the problems of a shy child are the following:

  •      Refuse to participate in fun and childish activities: Children love to play. Also, playing group games and activities provides them with a lot of fun. Unfortunately, the shy child will be deprived of this pleasure because of fear and anxiety.
  •      Lack of communication: A shy child has little opportunity to form social relationships. This complication will render him ineffective in society in the future.
  •      Inducing feelings of loneliness and low self-esteem: the shy child always imagines himself as a person of little importance and communicates this idea to others in his social relationships. These factors lead to low self-esteem in the child.
  •      Lack of talent development: The shy child is afraid of being judged by others. Because of this, he never found a suitable position to develop his talents.
  •      Anxiety, palpitations and muscle tension
  •      Weakness of the voice, redness of the face and stuttering

Strategies for treating shy children

So far, you know the reasons for your child’s shyness. You can also find out what problems a shy child will face. Now is the time to help your child and cure his shyness. But how can you help your shy child? In this section, we describe the basic ways to treat shyness. Note that the basis for treating a child’s modesty is based on the following:

  •      Stop the wrong way of parenting.
  •      Improve and strengthen the emotional bond between you and your children.
  •      Boost your child’s self-confidence.
  •      Teach your children social skills, problem-solving methods, and the right way to deal with problems.

Based on these four principles, you can follow the following approaches to treat your shy child:

Start addressing shame yourself.

As we said, children imitate their parents. For this reason, first get rid of signs of embarrassment in yourself. Strengthening your family and social relationships. This step is the most effective way to treat a shy child.

Do not classify your child as shy.

Like we said, shyness is an acquired quality. Although annoying, this trait is part of your child’s personality. The child should not imagine that he is behaving strangely or abnormally. Avoid using the adjective shy and any synonyms for shy child. For example, imagine a parent saying in front of his child, “Excuse me, my child is a little shy.” These judgments are negative judgments. A shy child hates to hear these phrases. Your child needs more positive judgments, so don’t withhold positive expressions from him.

Do not support your child’s shyness.

It’s also likely that your shy child will hide behind you when you greet strangers. In these cases, invite him to continue the conversation. Use your facilities and strengthen his social relationships. Never tell yourself, “My child is shy, and enrolling him in gym class is a waste of time and money.” Instead, assign him appropriate social responsibilities so that he learns the correct way to communicate.

Talk to your child.

Children usually do not have a correct understanding of their feelings. For this reason, they like to express their behavior with words. As a parent, be a good listener to your child. Encourage the child to express his feelings throughout the day. These conversations allow your child to get to know his feelings, circumstances and possibilities well and use them in new situations.

Develop your child’s individual skills.

The best way to raise children is the way that boosts your child’s self-confidence. You can strengthen your child’s individual skills using the facilities at your disposal. In this way, his morale and self-confidence are increased and he is encouraged to do teamwork.

Give your child a reward.

Every success your child achieves is valuable and important. So appreciate his effort and reward him after every small improvement. In this way, you will praise your shy child and encourage him to do more activities.

Introduce your shy child to new environments.

A shy child becomes anxious when faced with new situations and environments. For this reason, we recommend that you explain the circumstances to him before going to new communities. Also, support your child in public. Try to support your child in the new situation. In this way, you can reduce the child’s anxiety and prepare him for new contacts.

Play with your child.

A shy child loves to play. You can join your child while playing the game and teaching him different skills. Playing with the child also helps to strengthen the emotional relationship between parents and the child and increases his self-confidence.

Create conditions for your child’s collective games.

As mentioned in the previous sections, shy children dream of being in society. These children seem restless and restless in the first moments of their entry into society, but they will feel better with time. Group games are one of the most beneficial conditions that prepare a child to enter society. Therefore, it is recommended to purchase the necessary tools for these games and give them to the child and his friends. Then leave the rest of the work to the kids. They use their imagination and encourage your shy child to cooperate and play. Aunt’s game is one of the most effective group games you can provide your child. In this way, it will be very convenient to buy products such as dolls, children’s kitchen toys and all kinds of sports toys. Zarin toys are among the most reliable names in producing these products. For example, the game “Zarin Toys Kitchen Toy Model M3” will provide your child with all the necessary equipment for playing. Among the equipment available in this product, the following can be mentioned:

  •      water jug
  •      Teapot
  •      a pot
  •      frying pan
  •      skimmer
  •      scoop
  •      cooking spoon
  •      Spoon and fork
  •      knife
  •      Cups and mugs
  •      Dish
  •      pre-emption
  •      Salt shaker
  •      Gas
  •      flower pot

Don’t neglect the benefits of group brain games. In addition to developing the child’s social skills, these games also strengthen the competitive spirit of your shy child and teach him ways to solve problems. One of the most effective team brain games is called Barnyard Boss Brain Game. This fun game is designed based on the famous farm boss cartoon, and its strategy enhances the child’s social intelligence effectively. Other benefits of this product include enhancing visual memory, increasing self-confidence and concentration of the child. This product is suitable for children over three years old and requires 2 to 6 players. Among this intellectual card game equipment, the following can be mentioned:

  •      brochures
  •      Farm Head Animation DVD
  •      5 tas number
  •      About 36 video cards

Play casually with your child.

Theater and drama are the most important human social activity. This activity is based on speech and offers you many possibilities. You can ask your child to express his feelings out loud during the play. Or do things that he would be ashamed of doing under normal circumstances. In the next step, you can perform your bid for friends, family members, and relatives and reconcile your child with the community. Of course, don’t force your shy child to do anything.

You can visit Aria online store to buy all kinds of quality and cheap stationery. Arialand has provided you with all the right tools to develop your child’s skills and made it possible for you to purchase these supplies offline. Aria Store will also provide you with all kinds of attractive and fun games.

The reason for the isolation of children

In many cases, the child does not feel ashamed. Unfortunate events may have happened to him and he is unable to express his negative feelings. After these instances, he chooses solitude and solitude. Symptoms of withdrawal differ from embarrassment and include:

  •      The child’s silence is the most important sign of isolation.
  •      An isolated child is always defensive and aggressive.
  •      The isolated child refuses to express his feelings.

If you see these symptoms in your child, you should also diagnose and then treat the cause of your child’s withdrawal. Among the most important reasons for isolation in children are the following:

Negative experiences

If a child initiates all kinds of activities but fails, they will naturally choose passivity and isolation. The feeling of failure increases through judgment and ridicule of the people around him and establishes a sense of shame in them.

Child abuse

Unfortunately, some parents abuse their children, either physically or emotionally. Do not think that these violations are limited to beatings and sexual assault. Child abuse includes all subtle abuses such as food deprivation, imprisonment, emotional punishment, etc., and has negative effects on the child’s psyche. Isolation is also one of the consequences of child abuse.

community relations

The more limited the child’s family relationships, the less he wants to be in society. Also, in many cases, parents choose a parenting method that places the child under overprotection. This situation causes the child to be deprived of the joy of playing with other children and lack of social relationships. As a result, if a child feels for a moment that he is not safe and calm in society, he will choose solitude forever.


In general, the deficiencies of the child fall into two categories: individual and social. Individual shortcomings include all kinds of disabilities, disabilities, and so on. Most of the child’s social deficiencies include family events such as divorce, death, addiction, poverty, and family abnormalities. All these deficiencies will cause children to be isolated.

Isolation treatment methods

As a parent of a child, you can take initial steps to remedy your child’s isolation. Among the most important of these procedures are the following:

  •      Pay attention to your child’s interests and encourage him.
  •      Talk to your child.
  •      Ask your child, “What is unfair in his life?”
  •      Reassure him that you understand his frustrations and disappointments.
  •      Tell him about your personal experiences.
  •      Take responsibility for your mistakes.
  •      Criticize your child rationally and fairly.
  •      Talk to your child every night about his fears before bed.
  •      Give your child a chance to talk until his defenses are gone.
  •      Do not judge yourself or others in front of children.

You can drain your child’s negative emotions and bring happiness back into their life using the method of raising a happy child.

When should we go to the doctor to treat our shy child?

In many cases, children’s shyness can be remedied as they grow older and with the efforts of their parents. However, if the child feels too anxious to perform his daily activities, be sure to visit a psychologist or psychiatrist and ask him to help treat your shy child. Note that if a child’s shyness is not handled properly, he will face many problems in the future.


Shyness is a moral quality that children acquire. In this article, we have provided you with the reasons why children are shy. We also provided such solutions to treat a shy child. In many cases, the symptoms of introversion are confused with shyness. In this article, we have also explained the difference between introversion and shyness. We also explained the reasons for children’s isolation. You can prevent these disorders in your child by using the right parenting methods. You can also send us your questions about the shy child in the comment section. We will try to answer your questions as soon as possible. Thank you for being with us.

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