It seems that raising well-mannered and polite children is a bit difficult in today’s world. Digital communication has created certain literary moods, and things like formal greetings, thanking others, and common salutations are almost outdated. But still, human beings interact personally and must learn the correct ways of communicating from childhood. Good manners are very helpful in establishing social interactions. Teaching children manners not only makes communication easier, but it also prepares children for future careers, friendships, and relationships. Research also shows that it can help with their mental health.
Good behavior is a good habit. “Polite behavior is a way of life that one must adhere to not only at parties and important gatherings but also in all situations.” Politeness and respect should be taught to a child in early childhood so that it becomes a habit in his life.
Why doesn’t the child listen?
The first step to dealing with a child who does not listen is to find the causes and root of this problem. Try to maintain a good relationship with your child and be patient. Also, before you get angry and punish the child, first hear the reason for your child’s disobedience. Knowing the reasons for disobeying parents is the first step in solving this problem.
Some possible causes of child disobedience and parental disobedience are:
1- Getting parents talking: Always remember more warning equals less impact! Using big words and a long explanation about something, such as why he’s being punished for doing something wrong, can make your words less effective. Try to speak in moderation and avoid talking and giving long hints and advice.
2- Not hearing the voice of the parents: Sometimes the simplest explanation is the most correct. Sometimes our children are so engrossed in a game or action that they may literally not hear us.
3- The child’s unwillingness to obey parents: Sometimes the only reason for disobeying parents is stubbornness and resistance. In fact, our children simply do not want to do what we ask them to do.
4- Talking to the child while he is doing his homework: This happens a lot, for example, you are preparing dinner and you want to remind your child to finish his homework, so you shout at him from another room or another place in the house. . This will make your words less effective.
5- Use of words that the child does not like: Parents often start their sentences with words such as “you”, “if” and “why” or other negative words such as “no”, “you can’t” and “you don’t listen”. These words prevent your children from listening to you.Try to be patient and be careful in choosing your words.
6- Excessive strictness or begging the child to do things: Excessive strictness or begging the child to do something, both are equally ineffective. For example, saying the affirmative sentence “Collect these toys now!” or pleading “Please, please, please, please put the toys away!” Both will likely yield similar results over time. Try to be moderate and avoid extremes.
7- Proof of will to parents: Young or older children try to prove their will to prove that they are also an independent person, and unfortunately this means saying “no” to parental orders.
8- Frequent parental criticism of the child: Do you like those who constantly criticize you? Or do you want to pay attention to his many words and criticisms? If you are regularly negative (for example, you keep repeating phrases like “I don’t know why you can’t listen to me!”) your child may not want to follow your commands or even respond negatively.
9- Child fatigue: As you have probably noticed by now, children are less able to follow their parents in the evening hours. The child’s control is weaker at this time and he may need to be comforted. Because of this, children may not be able to follow commands at this time of day.
10- The child’s lack of knowledge of the rules: Many of us easily forget that children do not always know the basic rules such as how to behave in a museum or a party. They are also not aware of our expectations if they are not properly trained.
Methods of teaching correct behavior to children
As a parent, you have a responsibility to teach your children many important life lessons.
Raising children with good manners can be a difficult task, but there are some basic principles that can help pave the way.
1- Show respect
It may be hard for you to believe, but it is interesting to know that a child’s upbringing begins from the moment he is born. The basis of politeness is respect for others. Respect for others is one of the most important qualities you can teach your child, and it starts from childhood.
A sensitive child naturally becomes a respectful child because he cares about other people’s feelings and becomes a naturally well-behaved person. Respectful behavior for parents with children is very important and more than any other moral book can make a child behave well.
2- Teach your child polite words from a young age
Even two-year-olds can think of words like “please” and “thank you.” At this time, the child may not understand the social meaning of these words, but conclude that “please” means receiving needs and “thank you” indicates the end of the interaction. By teaching these words, you instill social beauty in your child’s vocabulary.
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Even before the child understands the meaning of these words, he learns that they are important because parents use these words a lot and have beautiful and good facial expressions when pronouncing them. In this way, children learn these terms before understanding their meaning and using them in their sentences.
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3- Be a good example for the child
If you want your child to behave well, you must first behave well yourself. Children learn more from your actions than from your advice. The first step to having a well-mannered child is to have well-mannered parents.
In your daily interactions with others, use words like “please,” “thank you,” “hello,” and “excuse me” so that the child hears and learns them. Treat children with the same courtesy and respect as you treat adults. Let your child learn the meaning of politeness and respect from your behaviour.
4- Pay attention to your words
Young children are unable to distinguish between good and bad words and cannot filter out many words! This sometimes leads to awkward situations, especially between friends. The child may notice someone who looks different and want to comment or ask about it. He may also show reluctance for other people’s gifts or food and say he doesn’t like it.
Fortunately, with age and more practice, children learn to think before they speak. Also explain to your children that it is wrong to say rude things or comment about others’ personal appearance in public. Tell your children that when you are alone together, they can share their thoughts and questions with you.
5- When you see a child’s polite behavior, praise him
By seeing your child’s good deeds, for example, getting up from a chair to give his seat to an elderly person, covering his nose and mouth when coughing and sneezing, and other polite actions, praise and thanks. If the child knows that you pay attention to his efforts and praise him, he will definitely try to master this task more seriously.
6- Use the story
All moral and educational stories can use again and again to remind the child of the best behaviour. You can bring out stories that contain good and bad characters and ask him to choose his favorite character. It is clear that the child likes a positive personality, and you can confirm that if he has these qualities, he can be like his favorite character.
7- Practice at home
Good manners and politeness should be taught at home because your child in the environment outside the home cannot understand your expected behavior through telepathy! The child should know what the rules are. Tell your child to write down the polite behaviors and implement them in their daily activities and even in their games.
8- Do not insult the child
All of your training should take place in private and not in the presence of guests or the child’s peers. Humiliating your child, even if it is only in front of his or her siblings, can have a negative impact on them.
9- Do not force the child to do anything
Language is a skill that should be enjoyed, not forced.
The child may get tired of saying polite words even before he understands them. When you remind your child to say “please,” teach it as part of speech, not as a condition for getting what he wants. In this way, make sure that the child hears your words well.
10- Correcting your child’s behavior without interruption
Mistakes create an opportunity to learn. When you correct your child’s mistakes “in action,” you help him accept his mistake and shape his behavior in accordance with what you expect. Correcting your child in the moment can stop any bad behavior immediately. Also keep in mind that constant reminders can get boring and ineffective.
11- Teach your child not to interrupt others
This is a problem that many children, especially younger children, struggle with. The reason for this is because most children want to express their thoughts right away. Children are also naturally self-centered and may need to be reminded not to interrupt others. Teach your child to wait for others to finish speaking and then start speaking.
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12- Be patient and steadfast
It may take time to teach a child proper manners and behaviour. Remember to praise children when using good behaviors. When a child’s behavior is unacceptable, simply point out that they need to use the appropriate word or behavior and use examples for further effect.
Try to be patient to teach the child politeness and respect. Teaching polite manners is something that needs to be done every day until it becomes a habit and your children will use it in social situations as they get older.
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13- Enjoy fun activities
Teach your child good manners using play and fun. Remember that children learn a lot through imaginative play. This method of learning will have a long lasting effect.
Activities that teach your children proper behaviour
Play House: One of the easiest things to teach children is to give simple lessons while playing. For example, when you play with a child at home, treat him the way you expect him to behave. Respect your child’s opinions and continue to play with polite words.
Use of Flashcards Teaching polite words and behaviors from flashcards and then working with a young child is a very effective method of teaching. Flashcards are a great way to make sure everything is shared.
Taking the child to special occasions: Children understand the difference between a children’s environment and a formal environment. Visiting the official places of adults allows the child to behave decently and politely. This is a way to pay more attention to learning polite manners.
Taking the child to public places: When you are sitting on a park bench in public places, the child can see all kinds of good and bad behavior. Spend some time outside and share what you see with your child. The child can distinguish the good from the bad by seeing different behaviours.